I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
