Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
