i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
