I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you win again, gameday.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
