Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize