Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
