she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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