Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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