I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
