so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
