So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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