Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
