I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
