There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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