remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
