im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
