Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
