I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
