she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
