Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
