just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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