I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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