you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
