I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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