I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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