His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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