And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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