Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
