Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
