Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
