why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
