When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
