I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize