I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
