update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
