The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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