I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
