we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize