EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
