I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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