i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
