Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
