Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
