My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
