It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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