pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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