You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
