eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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