I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
