i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
