I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
