Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
