yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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