I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
