We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
how drunk are you?
Several
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
