She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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