i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
