Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How does one acquire holy water?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
