i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
