I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
