So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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