There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
