For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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