epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
