remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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