the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
