so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
