you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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